why are you -- you're 12, you just turned 12. [ laughter ] are not allowed -- funny, every russian we sanction is some sweaty, evil oligarch who owns a -- dumps poison in the ocean or something. >> jimmy: you're going around the world? and we stopped at a red light. for a hero in sheepshead bay >> meet my courteous staff. welcome to fun dining. He apparently regretted lying down on the job. [ laughter ] we have a team of people that keeps us smart and from getting hit by traffic. i'm trying to save this squirrel. >> his name was -- [ laughter ] oh, you're talking about visiting. >> i'm an art teacher. please, relax, it's very nice. >> tonight, vanishing act. We dont need to help you with that at all, youre scaring voters everywhere with the open border. She then detailed how in September, almost 2,000 pounds of thedeadly synthetic opioid fentanyl were trafficked across the southern border from Mexico into the U.S. Parents Of Fentanyl Victims Urge Whole-Of-Government Response To Red, White, And Blue Crisis https://t.co/zUQsLsIg4a, Daily Caller (@DailyCaller) September 19, 2022, That could kill 500 million people, McDaniel told Fox News. ! well, i'm learning how to be a veterinarian in my free time. >> revealing how i, ABC September 30, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT. i thought, yes, you should have told them, because i though you would agree, don't try to make it a long bit out of brain injuries. i can't remember the backdoor open. ask your doctor about every-other-month cabenuva. thank you. >> jimmy: he's getting into the documentary section on netflix. oh, here's something i happened upon while flipping channels. thank you for watching. immediately abel goes, "you know who's a conversation killer, john wayne gacy." it means the biggest danger in the world, nuclear weapons. my data shows you're not off to a good start. [ laughter ] >> i got it. Some have hosted an episode or two while others have taken on entire weeks. when uc held me back i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. >> pastrami. >> jimmy: no, no. Today, critically acclaimed Vermont singer and songwriter Noah Kahan reveals new tour dates for summer 2023 as a continuation of his sold-out "Stick Season Tour" produced by Live Nation. "To put it into perspective for Americans, this . Uploaded by ultimate endless shrimp is back with new parmesan-bacon shrimp scampi. tj maxx where you can always afford to be you to the maxx (don't stop me now) . [ laughter ] "what do you mean?" his podcast is called "smartless." . Capture a web page as it appears now for use as a trusted citation in the future. >> i do love it. i went through tome already it was mostly pictures of me holding trout and trying to fix the defective generator on my winnebago. buwh toftepotis hi prop 27 look at california, they see nothing but suckers. actually, speaking of bateman, bateman was the one who said, you've got to watch "drive to survive" on netflix. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i could agree. >> where do i get that kind of money? and since it's legal in new york now, we thought it would be fun to try here in our first-ever brooklyn edition of "who's high?" "batgirl" was canceled. [ laughter ] and i was like, wow, that's so layered. >> jimmy: you have three boys? listen to what our satisfied customers have to say. >> did somebody say wraps? check. but it does legitimately make me feel good when people come up and say, "we watch this show as. the massive search. >> i call her at least every day. so please join us for all that. >> i talked to you already this morning. prilosec otc one pill, 24 hours, zero heartburn. kerry. >> jimmy: you did, all right. archie, who's almost 14, "abel spoous all this nonsense, he says all this stuff that's a complete conversation killer.". [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's never too soon? trump's pal putin has issued a. new travel ban for 25 americans, banned for life, including the secretary of commerce, six u.s. senators, and ben stiller and sean penn. civilian life sucks, right? 26:29. . why don't we take a break. 1 min read. i like just the basics. the choice is clear yes on prop 27. what's the difference between prop 26 and prop 27? You can watch the clip from Kimmel below: The Daily Caller | 1775 Eye Street NW | Suite 1150-290 | Washington, DC 20006, (RELATED: Dont Worry About Pelosis Taiwan Visit. [ laughter and applause ] and that was the totally not bummer summer of trump! >> i'm looking, i don't need more than just the glasses. i thought you'd be a little more excited to hear from me now. the idea behind your podcast, the one really different thing is, one of you will book a. guest, the other two don't know the guest. [ cheers and applause ] and almost all of you were kind enough to leave a message in our "summer guest host yearbook" for 2022. and we'll go through them in order. on a laptop. i mean, as much as it's going to be broken, this is highly classified. [ cheers and applause ] now you're hoping for my death. All of them combined. they wrote it for themselves. >> oh, christopher, oh. The following episodes are scheduled to air the week of Nov. 28-Dec. 2 (subject to change): Monday, Nov. 28 (vo) red lobster's finer points of fun dining when mouth is full, and shrimp is endless,the commercial. The run includes stops at the iconic Radio City Music Hall in New York on June 7 th, The Greek Theatre in Los Angeles on August 11 th, and more with Joy . also, it's 91 to do this. >> plus our trip into bucha. >> never met him, but oh, i'd love to. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right, yeah, yeah. with cleto and the cletones. >> lou: to learn more about the 2022 dr pepper tuition give-away, go to drpeppertuition.com. don't take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. [ applause ] >> and i go -- we're like, what, man? Kimmel seemed to find this prospect hilarious, joking with his audience about a drug that has morguesoverflowing with dead bodies across the country. >> they couldn't book a second guest. He should have gotten his ass off the stage! Guest Host Nicole Byer, Heidi Klum ("Making the Cut"), Kirby Howell-Baptiste ("The Sandman"), Musical Guests Seventeen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the number sixth ranked podcast in the world. this didn't stop her from having "your father doesn't understand." who says you can't go for bold without going broke? start spreading the news i'm leaving today >> guillermo: yeah! thinks i'm an e-reader. >> jimmy: poor barron must have been freaking out. thanks to jason bateman and jeffrey ross. hey, what are you making -- what are you making for yourself tonight? just to recap, we play a game back in l.a. we talk to pedestrians, we try to determine just by questioning and observing which of three pedestrians is high. >> no, he has read the book, everybody. [ laughter ] >> a bunch of kids. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and david letterman, which is -- >> you had david letterman on. >> jimmy: wow. >> what's his name? and with loopholes, the homeless get even less permanently. >> here in brooklyn, we had -- aoc. Mon, Dec 12. Jimmy Kimmel opened Thursday's show by acknowledging the death of Queen Elizabeth II, Britain's longest-serving monarch, at the age of 96. we assemble d a team, we went down there, we gave it to them. tyson. i think i was probably 12 or 13 or something like that. why is prop 27 such a suckers deal for california? tonight, will arnett, chef chris bianco, and music from goo goo dolls. Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel mocked the dangers of fentanyl during his show earlier this month while trying one-up Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel. [ laughter ] >> i don't buy that. >> oh. was raided last month. [ laughter ] if that wasn't enough, i got another shout-out from that guy who had that press conference nex to the dildo shop. they don't like you. >> how am i doing? honestly, you know i'm a pretty cynical guy. another thing i will miss is the subway here. >> jimmy: christopher, are you in the fitness industry? >> well, my mother didn't really know what was going on. >> jimmy: yeah? >> jimmy: i have. >> i feel pretty good, you know? we both do. [ laughter ] no that's for people outside of the building, not in. >> jimmy: yes. The host announced his decision to leave the show back in September . that's why i take quviviq nightly. >> jimmy: hi, mary, how are you? on a wednesday. And as an added bonus watch the extra songs we're doing live Jimmy Kimmel Live later tonight: Share this: Like this: Loading. i think i won. goo goo dolls from the mercedes eq stage. that's like finding your wife in bed with another guy and she goes, "it's okay -- i took my ring off first!" i get why they're doing it, but has there ever been a situation in the history of the world where one of the job requirements is, you must have sold an eighth of purple earkle to an undercover cop? feels this way. [ cheers ] [ applause ] >> nothing better than asking an audience. >> oh, boy. [ laughter ] it's like, what do you mean? [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no one, no one loves the roar of the crowd more than you -- >> than will arnett. >> i got my hands on the rosary. >> jimmy: glen campbell passed away. >> something stupid. Updated. didn't we already have a pumpkin spice garbage bag in new york? In response, Kimmel called out West's anti-Semitism during his late-night monologue. i said, "he's not returning my calls, i don't know." >> jimmy: yeah, hit the phone -- >> bianco, on the then -- oh my. >>, no, get outta here. >> oh, god bless you. >> jimmy: you didn't do -- >> "battle of the network stars." Everything Kimmel touches turns to ratings death. "These dancers come out with spears, and they're banging the spears around," Kimmel, 54 . >> christopher bomba. >> first of all, you've been off for a while. overactive wake signals. "what book?" >> i'm mora. >> hold the applause. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you think, jeff? >> jimmy: he's got a newt restaurant here. some serious allergic reactions. [ cheers and applause ] >> sal: jimmy. taking an entire summer off to do hypnotherapy seems drastic, but adult bed-wetting is a serious issue. >> whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop. Guest Host Simu Liu, Mandy Moore ("This is Us" and "In Real Life", Jimmy O. Yang ("Me Time"), Musical Guest Amelia Moore. >> turns out the brutal kidnapping -- >> why did you lie? oh, yeah, that's right, a rat. women lost the right to choose. Jimmy Kimmel Live airs every weeknight at 11:35 p.m. EDT and features a diverse lineup of guests that include celebrities, athletes, musical acts, comedians and human-interest subjects, along with comedy bits and a house band. in my ozempic tri-zone, i lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. September 13, 2022 / Jack Marshall. >> jimmy: look at that. TOPIC FREQUENCY ikea, come on america discover the book open up a brand-new world take a peek and let it speak you'll see how life can be come on america it's time for the book come on america discover the book get your spirits oh so high [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. >> i'm proud of you, too. i know what you're going to say. (don't stop me) 'cause i'm having a good time having a good time i'm a shooting star leaping through the sky like a tiger defying the laws of gravity (don't stop me now) 'cause i'm having a good time i don't wanna stop at all, yeah ah, da, da, da, da da, da, ah, ah online sports betting to fund real solutions to the homelessness crisis. >> yeah, what do you get? [ laughter ] but it's still classic you. >> what are you, nuts? [ laughter ] is that -- i mean, does that count? then he sits down on the couch, we're doing the "smartless" thing out here. >> jimmy: i think people forget how many -- i know i don't forget because i am constantly. i might even stay. with models that fit anyer lifestyle. you'll never believe what he comes up with. lamorne. >> jimmy: you can't spell restaurateur? >> [ bleep ]. serving jimmy's and non-jimmy's at their sheepshead bay location since 1938. this is the owner of jimmy's, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> who's the most famous person in new york? >> jimmy: i think there are probably several. >> sounds good. it seemed like it could use a, little boost. >> jimmy: oh. (don't stop me now) (don't stop me) 'cause i'm having a good time having a good time i'm a shooting star leaping through the sky like a tiger defying the laws of gravity (don't stop me now) 'cause i'm having a good time i don't wanna stop at all, yeah ah, da, da, da, da da, da, ah, ah . [ laughter ] he's your friend too. he painted presidents, he painted barbra streisand. i was going to show you slides of my summer vacation. 90% of the profits go to out-of-state corporations, permanently. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. >> jimmy, first i have to host your show for you, now i have to write a message in your. [ laughter ] you know, i tell you, there are a lot of things when you're not, on the air that you see that make you wish you were. >> jimmy: all right. before you're six feet underground. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's not true, he has seen the show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. there they go, everybody. i promise. [ laughter ] >> the only thing that is nerve-racking in l.a. is if they don't have something fluten free. career, and family and finances and mental health. During the week of August 29, Gutfeld averaged 2.124 million total viewers. this is a glimpse into the no-too-distant future of lincoln. Los Angeles, CA. i bet you think it tastes good, huh? you go to jail for that, and he should have known that. >> he called you recount, dracula. >> dr pepper's giving students a chance to compete for up to $100,000 in tuition by entering a tiktok hashtag challenge, making a tiktok video about their college dreams. i did notice that you have somebody in your audience who asked advice before the show about being a stand-up. on the web at abc.com and at youtube/JimmyKimmelLive. [ laughter ] it was during "the hogan family." it just blows our mind that people are listening to it, let alone come out live for it. [ laughter ] this is so stupid. a bird of prey, a hawk, on the garbage -- jumps in, roots around a little bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll hold it up. rarely do you see a flower girl knock back half a bottle of pdo. ricardo man taliban. because he said, "because you will just not shut up." i got to get out of this. Talk show host Jimmy Kimmel arrives for the 74th Emmy Awards at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, California, on September 12, 2022. [ laughter ] while it's never going to be the same, when a cabbie's yelling at you to go "f" yourself from a nissan leaf? [ cheers and applause ] our first guest on our last night in town has been making movies and tv shows since your mom went to prom. things are organic. she said, among other things, he, physically attacked one of his own secret service agents and threw his lunch at the wall, smearing ketchup all over the presidential dining room. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm sure, from up above. [ laughter ] but legally, legally i guess it's going to change, because a big group of aspiring weed merchants applied for the chance to own and operate new york's first legal dispensaries. >> no potatoes or something? >> jimmy: look at that, a very special pizza. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: hi, everybody! it's the smiles. welcome, brooklyn. jason, maybe we'll make this a competition. hi, what's your name? he was coming on to the stage while we were zooming off. action bronson is on the way. one of them, the owner of the lakers, jeanie buss, was on with desus nice who filled in for me. California Governor Gavin Newsom won the recall election despite candidate Caitlyn Jenner's final push yesterday, Nicki Minaj tweeted Jimmy about interviewin. did i get too good at plugging stuff? >> jimmy: you check your schedule, we'll get another chair in case you can. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. >> the desperate search for a missing mother in california. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i would love to do "battle of the network stars." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: chris bianco, watch him on "chef's table pizza" on netflix starting tomorrow. all right. put them right over the desk. ultimate endless shrimp is back, now with argentine red shrimp. and pizzeria bianco at the row in downtown l.a. thank you, chris. >> guillermo: yeah. here with the song "yeah, i like you," goo goo dolls! hi, everyone. our next guest is the yoda of pizza and james beard restaurateur of the year. >> where did the dog go? >> it's like "fantasy island" meets little italy. >> jimmy: you never met him? all electric, all mercedes. tomorrow night, brie larson and josh duhamel with music from macklemore. i don't know, james is a common name, there's probably a lot of jamess in the room right now. >> i hope. you guys for coming. >> tonight it's -- tonight i just -- asparagus omelette, a nice asparagus omelette. [ boos ] leaving everything they touched in far different condition than it was when they started. >> jimmy: look at this picture. i started doing carson, i got stuck. [ laughter ] so i want to say thanks to sean hayes, chelsea handler, anthony anderson, mark rober, dana carvey, kerry washington, rupaul, rob mcelhenney, david alan grier, desus nice, al franken, nicole byer, lamorne morris, simu liu, nikki glaser, and donald trump jr. [ laughter ] almost all of you were great. >> jimmy: okay, i'm going to call you jimmy, otherwise this doesn't make sense. i did his show a handful of times but i still was convinced he had no idea what my name was. [ laughter ] >> how much does she drink? >> i'm good, i'm good. he just opened a pizzeria bianco at the row in downtown los angeles, and you can learn all about him on the new season of "chef's table: pizza" starting tomorrow on netflix. >> jimmy: he couldn't at least have had the decency to save it for the weekend? sincerery, marky mark. more choices. >> that's my uncle. >> how are yo marcelo. >> jimmy: i'll hold it up to my microphone. >> why couldn't she have said that at the beginning? [ laughter ] >> they rifled through the first lady's closet, drawers, and everything else. prop 27. they didn't write it for the homeless. hey, linds. >> jimmy: it's really good. >> jimmy: no you're -- no, you're a circus of the stars freak what is you are. with cleto and the cletones. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm going to say this. >> i'm asking your audience. so -- but anyway. because the corporations didn't write it for us. thanks to will arnett. "oh, is that what that is?" june 3rd, trump departed mar-a-lago for his other golf course/catering hall/crime lair, trump national golf club in new jersey, where he watched his former aide, cassidy hutchison, testify against him. you own it with your line. >> jimmy: you're going robert, i'm going moira. be right back. >> she was my lyft driver coming over here. yearbook? i got myself a relationship with emanuel lewis, we were buddyed for a minute or two. Kimmel previously helmed the ceremony in 2017 and 2018. >> it's -- it's just -- like. ask your doctor if it's right for you. he was just saying a bunch of nonsense. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nailed it. >> more dispensaries in l.a. than starbucks. we'll be right back in brooklyn, new york. let parents know about the concern we have about fentanyl crossing our border, McDaniel responded in a statement shared on Twitter. [ laughter ] >> hey, jimmy. and it is absolutely a really beautiful -- you got to make this documentary while both your parents were still alive, earlier this year. nearly doubles the viewership of any two of his Late Night competitors combined. Uploaded by >> oh, hey. >> hi, jim. one fact not in dispute is donald trump had highly classified information sitting in a box on the floor of his golf resort. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he never pays, that's his secret. i'll tell them you're my grandpa. Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 30, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT 11:35 pm right now, jason bateman. Discover something new every day from News, Sports, Finance, Entertainment and more! on Hulu WATCH NOW Latest Clips See All 12:47 Tuesday, 20 September 2022 03:36 PM EDT. , they have pumpkin spice garbage bags now. David letterman on my summer vacation the totally not bummer summer of trump kidnapping! Down on the floor of his Late night competitors combined parents know about the dr. 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